the nitty gritty

After hanging out with some girlfriends the other night & having a total and complete gripe session about several topics having to do with the "church", etc.....I decided that I would just put it out there. 

Just so we are clear: It's not an attack on my church or the people who lead us. And, when I speak of the Church--I mean us. The body of Christ. The people...not a building. Not where we choose to worship. 

This is coming from different girls--in different states & churches. Its not gonna be a pretty, sweet, boring post. 

So, I forewarn you---I'm probably gonna piss you off, ruffle your feathers, or speak right to your own heart. 

Either way--I don't make any apologies. 

Ready? Here we go!

Church--How do you define it? What does it look like to you? What does it mean to you? The online dictionary defines it like this:

noun

1.a building for public Christian worship.

2.public worship of God or a religious service in such a building: to attend church regularly.

3.( sometimes initial capital letter ) the whole body of Christian believers; Christendom.

4.( sometimes initial capital letter ) any division of this body professing the same creed and acknowledging the same ecclesiastical authority; a Christian denomination: the Methodist Church.

5.that part of the whole Christian body, or of a particular denomination, belonging to the same city, country, nation, etc.

I like to think of the "church" as the body of Christ. Not a physical building. I like to think of the church as all of the believers across the entire world--we are His body. We don't look, talk, or dress alike. We don't fit inside a particular mold. We have been given our individuality from Christ. 

 Ephesians 4:7-13
But that doesn't mean you should all look and speak and act the same. Out of the generosity of Christ, each of us is given his own gift. The text for this is, He climbed the high mountain, He captured the enemy and seized the booty, He handed it all out in gifts to the people. Is it not true that the One who climbed up also climbed down, down to the valley of earth? And the One who climbed down is the One who climbed back up, up to highest heaven. He handed out gifts above and below, filled heaven with his gifts, filled earth with his gifts. He handed out gifts of apostle, prophet, evangelist, and pastor-teacher to train Christ's followers in skilled servant work, working within Christ's body, the church, until we're all moving rhythmically and easily with each other, efficient and graceful in response to God's Son, fully mature adults, fully developed within and without, fully alive like Christ.

So, why then, do we all think we need to be like the next? 

Why do we put other Christians (in our own circles) on pedestals? 

Why do we try to keep up with the--no, not the "Jones'", but the "Pastors" and their wives/families?! 

Since when did they become what we think we need to be? 

And who is there holding them...and us accountable for such actions? 

I'm not saying that people in ministry shouldn't be looked up to. Trust me! I think they have been given an enormous gift and responsibility. I know they are looked at through a microscope on many levels. I know from personal experience how taxing it can be. I also know what a "high" it can give you. Constantly being looked to for answers, for guidance, for trust. To be the "go-to" person whenever anything is needed. It's a great feeling, but it also allows Satan to work his grimy little hands into the mix when there isn't accountability. True accountability. 

 ac·count·a·ble

adj.

 1. Liable to being called to account; answerable.

I'm not talking about just checking in & asking surface questions either. I'm talking about getting down to the nitty gritty. The uncomfortable questions. The ones that make you squirm thinking about asking & make your heart race when asked. They aren't fun, but they are necessary. And we should be asking them!

Something that is big in my church (the actual place where I worship)  right now is being MISSIONAL. In our community. Getting outside of the bubbles we tend to live in and reaching out to those around us. I think that tons of churches around are aiming for the same thing these days.  However, my issue is this:  if "missional" only consists of hanging out with your group & throwing a tweet or text out there to invite others to join...I say no thanks. I want relationships. I don't want to be reached via a tweet or a posting at the last minute. Maybe it's just me--but, from talking to others, I can assure you I'm not alone in these feelings. 

Listen--I realize that relationships aren't easy to build. 

They take work & and a willingness to be open to others. 

They require more giving than taking. 

They take love. 

They aren't always pretty. 

They change.

As we grow & change, so do our relationships. The one thing that I didn't realize until the past few years is that some people are willing to drop like flies when you no longer fit "their" mold.

What I mean by that is this: we all go through seasons of life. 

We are single. 

We date. 

Some eventually get married. 

Some choose to start families. 

Some marriages don't last. 

Lots of relationships fail. 

These seasons look differently for each of us. None is better than the next. You don't get a medal for completing one season first. You aren't better than anyone else for stepping into the next season that God provides for you. Just because we are in different seasons during the same moments in time...doesn't mean that we can't have a relationship. It doesn't mean that I don't want to be involved in your seasons or vice versa. 

So, what happens to "missional" during these differences? 

Why is no one talking about it?

Shouldn't we be "missional" inside the doors of our church buildings as well?  How are we supposed to get involved on a deeper level when we are "stuck" in the newly married season (this is where I am, so using it as my example!) with no where to go? We definitely  are passed dating, but not quite to having kids either. Oh yeah & we both work full-time. Something is missing for us in this season. It's not just in my physical church either. Its a common complaint I've heard from many people in the same season. Everything that I would love to get involved in...happens when I work. And if it doesn't, the start time is right when I get off of work. I can't connect, or reconnect, for anything! Its frustrating and seriously disheartening. It makes me want to scream & pitch a fit with arms & legs flailing about just to get someones attention. (do you see me?? I'm there. This is my tantrum. For now.)

Speaking of tantrums.....

Where are we going as a society--and women of God--when we don't hold each other accountable when it comes to our families? I realize there will never be a perfect time. That there will never be enough money. But, when have we let it become "ok" to start a family when we can't stand on our own two feet? When we are trying to "keep up with the pastors"? When our answer to not having the means to bring kids into this world is "it's fine, use the governments money". UM..SERIOUSLY?! That's my money. And I'm busting it out here...putting things on hold to get ourselves in order, and you're flat out telling me that I can just pay for you to keep popping out kids 'cause that's what you are gonna do. Sweet. I'm not saying to not have kids. I'm not saying you or I am wrong if we do. I just think it's time we take responsibility for our own decisions and reap whatever consequences that means. I am saying that I don't want you to pay for mine, and I surely don't want to pay for yours.

What is wrong with our mindset & how has no one in our circle called us out for it?! 

Where is our sense of "Self" responsibility?

I know this is kind of all over the board, but I wanted to touch on the big issues that have been brought up on countless occasions, during countless conversations with girlfriends from all over. These aren't "ME" issues. These are issues that have been around for some time now. I'm just using current examples to get a conversation started.

Galatians 6:4-5
Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

**It has seriously taken me three days of thoughts and ideas...writing and deleting...editing and of course praying to get this out here. Its not easy to just come out with this stuff. I know I'm going to hit hot buttons on some & hit the nail on the head with others. I'm okay with it. I'm tired of the rantings and cries out about it behind closed doors...so no one can truly hear what many think--just because it might provoke controversy. I say bring it. Let's talk about it. Let's weigh in from all sides. Let's come together and attempt to restore some relationships. Let's close the gaps that have somehow formed. Let's hold each other accountable. Let's ask the tough questions. Let's stop playing so "PC" and get down to the nittty gritty.