dear mommy friends

So, let me preface this by saying--I love my girlfriends. All of them. Whether we see and talk on a daily basis, or there are weeks or months between them. Each relationship is unique. And I seriously treasure each of them. Even through this rant!

I am in what I consider a unique position amongst my friends. I am in my 30s. I'm married. Yet, I have no children--well of the human kind (furry kids count, right?!). The majority of my girl friends are in their 30s (wide ranging). Married. Have 2.5+ rugrats running around. Some are done. Some are still hoping to expand their families. Most have "natural" children (meaning their husbands knocked them up). Some have adopted kids. Whatever it looks like--the overwhelming majority of my friends have growing families. 

Then there is me.  (I've blogged about this before--the status quo blah blah blah.....)

That's NOT what this about. 

I'm actually okay with where God has us. We are on our own journey, and He knows where it is headed. So, I'm taking refuge in that truth. 

It's everyone else who seems to have the issue. 

I used to be invited to all things that involved my friends and their little ones--birthday parties, babysitting for parents night out, beach days, "field trips", I mean any and everything. I even got phone calls about first words, potty training, steps. etc. BUT, all that fizzled. As the years have gone on, and more kids have come into the picture, and more events have passed---everything has shifted. Maybe it's because I don't have kids yet. Maybe it's because I'm the odd man out. Maybe it's because people think I would find it difficult?! I honestly don't know what the reasoning behind it is. 

However, I do know that it sucks. 

Just because life looks different for me at the moment, doesn't mean I don't want to be involved in your families life. It doesn't mean that I find if difficult to be around your kids. It doesn't mean that I love or care any less about your family and the milestones in your kids lives. 

Have you asked me how I feel about it? 
Have you thought about the distance you've created? 
Do you even have a clue as to why we might be where we are--is it by choice or just part of our journey?

My point is this: don't assume things. Let me be the one to decide what I want to come to, how much I want to hear, and how much distance I need. I can assure you--it's probably nothing like you have assumed.

lately

So....I've been absent for quite some time. It's not that I haven't wanted to blog, it's literally been a lack of time. Not content. So much has been happening...in my extended family, my immediate family, and just in my life in general. Some good, some bad, some just flat crazy! 

Let me go ahead and "beep beep, back it up" for you....and fill ya in.

Ever feel like you are on a roller coaster that won't stop?!

That's where I'm at right now. I literally have had to stop and debate with myself about what day it is. Things have been such a whirlwind in our house the past month or so. I seriously haven't been grocery shopping in [going on] 4 weeks. Haven't done laundry in 3. And haven't been home [more than one night a week] before 10pm.

Juggling my commitments is becoming a full time job!

My husband is working like a maniac due to some pretty big changes at our company. [He has always worked hard, especially during this time of year. but, when someone leaves, he is there to pick up the slack and run with it! i.e. we run a family business!]  I probably won't ever (well, anytime soon) make my husband not work so hard. It's in his blood. Part of his DNA. It's just what he does. And I love and appreciate that about him. His drive and dedication to the business that his dad built is admirable. He only wants to continue the legacy that has been in our town for 30 years. And, in this season we are in right now, slowing down isn't in the cards. 

I'm very thankful that I'm able to just hold on for the ride for the time being.

I would be lying if I said "I wouldn't change a thing though" because I most certainly would. I would want more time with my husband, and more time with my family & friends.

As for me, I'm still nannying [albeit part time], trying to build momentum in my Arbonne business & just planned an amazing event for A21 that took place on June 24th. (EXTREMELY proud of this & will fill you in on more later!) I'm really busting it with my Arbonne business. Trying to build it up so I can focus my time and energy on something that I feel is much more important than myself, The A21 Campaign. I love and believe in Arbonne with all my heart. I wouldn't work for a company unless I believed in the foundations of it, the people I work for, and the products we produce/sell. I wouldn't introduce people to products that were not genuinely good for them, inside and out, and these are exactly that. I'm not going to pursue something like this if it can't be a blessing for others. As for The A21 Campaign--well, if you know me, you know that it is my heart beat. God placed a huge burden on my heart for it, and opened the doors--and by open, I mean, opened them wide-and I couldn't feel more blessed. 

Have you ever felt like you knew you were created for something, 

but could never put a finger on it, and then all of a sudden, it was like 

"BAM"?! 

Right smack in front of your face like a brick wall....?? 

Well, yeah. That has been my experience with A21 thus far. 

I have no idea what the future looks like for this, 

but God does, and I'm certainly willing to trust His will!! 

You know you are on the right path when the enemy starts to rear his snarky little  head. The "enemy" is always hard at work when you are following Gods plan for your life. I wish I could say that this surprises me, but it just doesn't.  And, let me tell you.....I've never felt more attacked than I have in the past few months as this A21 launch event was creeping up. (And you better believe it was an even deeper confirmation that I was doing what God has called me to do!!) 

The enemy hit. 

And he hit with a vengeance. 

Never letting up. 

Causing what could've been major distraction, and a cause for me to walk away, but it never happened. Instead, I dug deeper. I pushed harder. I fought back. I found something inside, deep inside, that carried me through all of it. [{Faith. Hope.} AND an incredibly supportive Husband] He pushed buttons that would cause major emotional pulls. He attacked my family. The health of my family. I've had 3 members of my family in and out of the hospital for the past month or so. My 21yr old cousin had a stroke. My uncle went in for neck surgery and ended up with an coronary embolism, blood clots in both legs, and e coli--and is still in and out of the hospital fighting it all. My gPapa was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, after having been diagnosed months back with a thoracic aneurysm and bladder cancer. To say I've had a lot to cope with is a dramatic understatement.

With all of this going on, one would think I'd shut down. 

Well, I would have thought I would shut down. 

There was probably a time in my life that I would have if I'm being real honest. I would have shut down, become angry and confused, and sulked. But, not today. Not in this time. Not where I am...physically, spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. I'm not in this life alone. I'm not living for just me. I'm not the center of my own world. I have a greater purpose. One I'm still figuring out, yet know I'm on the right path for.

to be continued.....

our 8 month adventure...so far

Can't believe we are already coming up on 8 months of marriage! 

Time has flown by, and I know its not going to slow down.

 As I was cleaning today I started to reflect on what I've learned,  

and am continuing to learn, 

on this crazy awesome journey into marriage.

Some things I've learned so far:

• Marriage is hard work!
• It's so worth all the work. 
• Combining two lives is tricky.
• His "clean" will NEVER be my "clean."
• Boys are messy.
• I'm way more OCD than I ever realized.
• It's awesome to come home to my best friend on a daily basis.
• Waking up to your best friend is the best.
• Sometimes you run out of things to say. And its ok!
• We annoy the heck out each other at times.
• Compromise is key.
• Its all about giving, and less taking.
• We are both stubborn as mules.
• Combining finances is "interesting."
• Communication is vital.
• Speaking the "truth in love" works.
• Fighting makes me extremely nervous, but sometimes you just have to.
• Neither of us is going anywhere. 
• We are both "in til the end."
• Having time with friends apart from one another is very important.
• Having common interests makes things so much more enjoyable.  
• Having personal space is still important.
• Having time alone is sometimes necessary. 
• "Dating" each other is a must.
• Trust is vital.
• Honesty really is the best policy. On all subjects.
• Expecting the other to meet your expectations will almost always let you down. (Or cause serious frustration.)
• Pick your battles! 
• Sometimes you just "gotta let it go."
• Neither of us is perfect.
• Keeping God as our center is vital.
• Having faith & praying for each other constantly is vital.
• I'm blessed to get to do "life" with him. 
• Learning each others "love language" is key.
• Words of affirmation (his) & quality time (mine) are ours.
• Laughing, hugs, snuggles & kisses really are the best medicine for your soul!   

We are still so new to this adventure. 

I'm constantly looking for new things and ways to help me along.

I would LOVE words of wisdom!

the nitty gritty

After hanging out with some girlfriends the other night & having a total and complete gripe session about several topics having to do with the "church", etc.....I decided that I would just put it out there. 

Just so we are clear: It's not an attack on my church or the people who lead us. And, when I speak of the Church--I mean us. The body of Christ. The people...not a building. Not where we choose to worship. 

This is coming from different girls--in different states & churches. Its not gonna be a pretty, sweet, boring post. 

So, I forewarn you---I'm probably gonna piss you off, ruffle your feathers, or speak right to your own heart. 

Either way--I don't make any apologies. 

Ready? Here we go!

Church--How do you define it? What does it look like to you? What does it mean to you? The online dictionary defines it like this:

noun

1.a building for public Christian worship.

2.public worship of God or a religious service in such a building: to attend church regularly.

3.( sometimes initial capital letter ) the whole body of Christian believers; Christendom.

4.( sometimes initial capital letter ) any division of this body professing the same creed and acknowledging the same ecclesiastical authority; a Christian denomination: the Methodist Church.

5.that part of the whole Christian body, or of a particular denomination, belonging to the same city, country, nation, etc.

I like to think of the "church" as the body of Christ. Not a physical building. I like to think of the church as all of the believers across the entire world--we are His body. We don't look, talk, or dress alike. We don't fit inside a particular mold. We have been given our individuality from Christ. 

 Ephesians 4:7-13
But that doesn't mean you should all look and speak and act the same. Out of the generosity of Christ, each of us is given his own gift. The text for this is, He climbed the high mountain, He captured the enemy and seized the booty, He handed it all out in gifts to the people. Is it not true that the One who climbed up also climbed down, down to the valley of earth? And the One who climbed down is the One who climbed back up, up to highest heaven. He handed out gifts above and below, filled heaven with his gifts, filled earth with his gifts. He handed out gifts of apostle, prophet, evangelist, and pastor-teacher to train Christ's followers in skilled servant work, working within Christ's body, the church, until we're all moving rhythmically and easily with each other, efficient and graceful in response to God's Son, fully mature adults, fully developed within and without, fully alive like Christ.

So, why then, do we all think we need to be like the next? 

Why do we put other Christians (in our own circles) on pedestals? 

Why do we try to keep up with the--no, not the "Jones'", but the "Pastors" and their wives/families?! 

Since when did they become what we think we need to be? 

And who is there holding them...and us accountable for such actions? 

I'm not saying that people in ministry shouldn't be looked up to. Trust me! I think they have been given an enormous gift and responsibility. I know they are looked at through a microscope on many levels. I know from personal experience how taxing it can be. I also know what a "high" it can give you. Constantly being looked to for answers, for guidance, for trust. To be the "go-to" person whenever anything is needed. It's a great feeling, but it also allows Satan to work his grimy little hands into the mix when there isn't accountability. True accountability. 

 ac·count·a·ble

adj.

 1. Liable to being called to account; answerable.

I'm not talking about just checking in & asking surface questions either. I'm talking about getting down to the nitty gritty. The uncomfortable questions. The ones that make you squirm thinking about asking & make your heart race when asked. They aren't fun, but they are necessary. And we should be asking them!

Something that is big in my church (the actual place where I worship)  right now is being MISSIONAL. In our community. Getting outside of the bubbles we tend to live in and reaching out to those around us. I think that tons of churches around are aiming for the same thing these days.  However, my issue is this:  if "missional" only consists of hanging out with your group & throwing a tweet or text out there to invite others to join...I say no thanks. I want relationships. I don't want to be reached via a tweet or a posting at the last minute. Maybe it's just me--but, from talking to others, I can assure you I'm not alone in these feelings. 

Listen--I realize that relationships aren't easy to build. 

They take work & and a willingness to be open to others. 

They require more giving than taking. 

They take love. 

They aren't always pretty. 

They change.

As we grow & change, so do our relationships. The one thing that I didn't realize until the past few years is that some people are willing to drop like flies when you no longer fit "their" mold.

What I mean by that is this: we all go through seasons of life. 

We are single. 

We date. 

Some eventually get married. 

Some choose to start families. 

Some marriages don't last. 

Lots of relationships fail. 

These seasons look differently for each of us. None is better than the next. You don't get a medal for completing one season first. You aren't better than anyone else for stepping into the next season that God provides for you. Just because we are in different seasons during the same moments in time...doesn't mean that we can't have a relationship. It doesn't mean that I don't want to be involved in your seasons or vice versa. 

So, what happens to "missional" during these differences? 

Why is no one talking about it?

Shouldn't we be "missional" inside the doors of our church buildings as well?  How are we supposed to get involved on a deeper level when we are "stuck" in the newly married season (this is where I am, so using it as my example!) with no where to go? We definitely  are passed dating, but not quite to having kids either. Oh yeah & we both work full-time. Something is missing for us in this season. It's not just in my physical church either. Its a common complaint I've heard from many people in the same season. Everything that I would love to get involved in...happens when I work. And if it doesn't, the start time is right when I get off of work. I can't connect, or reconnect, for anything! Its frustrating and seriously disheartening. It makes me want to scream & pitch a fit with arms & legs flailing about just to get someones attention. (do you see me?? I'm there. This is my tantrum. For now.)

Speaking of tantrums.....

Where are we going as a society--and women of God--when we don't hold each other accountable when it comes to our families? I realize there will never be a perfect time. That there will never be enough money. But, when have we let it become "ok" to start a family when we can't stand on our own two feet? When we are trying to "keep up with the pastors"? When our answer to not having the means to bring kids into this world is "it's fine, use the governments money". UM..SERIOUSLY?! That's my money. And I'm busting it out here...putting things on hold to get ourselves in order, and you're flat out telling me that I can just pay for you to keep popping out kids 'cause that's what you are gonna do. Sweet. I'm not saying to not have kids. I'm not saying you or I am wrong if we do. I just think it's time we take responsibility for our own decisions and reap whatever consequences that means. I am saying that I don't want you to pay for mine, and I surely don't want to pay for yours.

What is wrong with our mindset & how has no one in our circle called us out for it?! 

Where is our sense of "Self" responsibility?

I know this is kind of all over the board, but I wanted to touch on the big issues that have been brought up on countless occasions, during countless conversations with girlfriends from all over. These aren't "ME" issues. These are issues that have been around for some time now. I'm just using current examples to get a conversation started.

Galatians 6:4-5
Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

**It has seriously taken me three days of thoughts and ideas...writing and deleting...editing and of course praying to get this out here. Its not easy to just come out with this stuff. I know I'm going to hit hot buttons on some & hit the nail on the head with others. I'm okay with it. I'm tired of the rantings and cries out about it behind closed doors...so no one can truly hear what many think--just because it might provoke controversy. I say bring it. Let's talk about it. Let's weigh in from all sides. Let's come together and attempt to restore some relationships. Let's close the gaps that have somehow formed. Let's hold each other accountable. Let's ask the tough questions. Let's stop playing so "PC" and get down to the nittty gritty.