11

9/11/01

Do you remember where you were? Do you remember the feelings that engrossed your every being? Do you remember the shock? The confusion? The horror? The utter disbelief?

I do. I'll never forget it.

I was driving on HWY 60 on my way to class at NGCSU in Dahlonega from my apartment in Gainesville. I was listening to 99x--a local radio station. I was singing along to one of my favorite songs of the time, when all of a sudden there was an interruption for "breaking news".

Never could I have imagined the magnitude of what I was about to hear.

One plane had crashed into one of the World Trade Center buildings. They were speculating about what was going on....was it an accident? If so, how?! Was it intentional? If so, WHY and how?! I started frantically searching for a news station. I wanted all the facts of what had happened up until that point.

Then, a second plane. Directly into the side of South World Trade Center.  Panic set in on the broadcasters.

I almost ran off the road.

All speculation of an "accident" flew out of the window. Our nation, this wonderful place we call home, was under attack. I felt physically sick, deep down in my gut. I also couldn't drive fast enough to campus.

You see, I went to NGCSU-The Military College or Georgia. I knew that this was going to change things.Not just for our country, but in my life. On my small college campus in the N Georgia mountains. I knew that some of the cadets I went to school with on a daily basis, would be deployed. That the guys I sat next to in class for the past 3.5 years, would soon be gone to fight in a war. Some might not ever make it back. The feelings were overwhelming.

I parked my car, somehow managed to remember my bags, and ran inside to the student center. The typical hustle and chatter were non existent. Everyone was standing there. In shock. Watching the planes stuck in the middle of the buildings, on fire. In awe. Whispers of what was happening, and questions of how it happened. Tears streaming down faces. Phone calls being frantically made to loved ones in NYC. Panic of the unknown.

During this time, a third plane had struck, but this time it was at the Pentagon.

Dear God, what is happening?! This has to be a bad dream. A nightmare. This can't be real life. No one could be this evil. Or could they?

Flights were being grounded. Phone lines were completely tied up. Contacting friends and family in Virginia and New York was impossible. It was sit. And wait. And pray. Pray deeply. Pray without ceasing.

If that wasn't enough. As we are all huddled around a small tv in the student center, the South WTC tower collapses. It was utter shock. Horror. The cries, moans, and sounds just in our area of witnessing this was something I won't forget. This building, this massive building, with hundreds and hundreds of people--children, collapsed in an instant. This indestructible structure. This iconic masterpiece. How was this possible?

I can still picture it in my head. I just can't imagine having been right there. I wanted to throw up.

Class wasn't an option for those of us not already in it. Thankfully my professor cancelled ours. There was no point with all the emotions swirling around us. We all knew that this was going to deeply affect our campus.

--->More breaking news--a fourth plane went down in Pennsylvania. But, was it related? Where was it intended for? Were there more? When was this nightmare going to end? So many questions. No answers.

North WTC collapses.  Utter devastation sinks in.

The weight of what we were witnessing just keeps getting heavier. How could anyone want to inflict so much hate? So much harm? So much devastation on innocent people? Why? WHY?!

I guess that's a question I will never understand the answer to. I will never understand that mentality, and frankly pray I never do.

I do know that God will make all things work together for His good. (Rom 8:28) And through this pain. This heartbreak. This horrendous act....He brought us together. We UNITED. For a blink in time- this country put all politics, religion, creed, race, etc on the back burner and became ONE. One united front. We linked arms. We walked through this together. We loved on each other. We valued each other. We looked at life with a bit more respect. We took time to hold each other up. We gathered together to restore what was taken. We realized just how precious each day truly is.

It is my hope and prayer that we can remember that. That we can go back to that, not just on this day each year, but always. This feeling of love and respect for our nation, for each other. We should forever etch that into our hearts and minds. We should strive to come together instead of dividing all but one day a year.

We will NEVER FORGET. Ever.

a look in

in·tro·spec·tion [in-truh-spek-shuhn]  

noun

 observation or examination of one's own mental and emotional state, mental processes, etc.; 

the act of looking within one self  

 

Things I'm acknowledging &/or learning about myself & my life:

I am in awe of how much God loves me. 

I am blessed with an incredible husband and family. They are my world.

I'm constantly surprised by my husbands love for me.

I have high expectations when it comes to relationships.

I wear my heart on my sleeve [to a fault].

I over analyze things and situations in my head.

I let others have too much control of my emotions. 

It makes me sad that my trust in people is shrinking.

I am realizing that solid friendships are hard to come by.

I treasure my best buds.

I compare myself to others far too much, yet I'm more comfortable in my own skin than ever before.

I'm terrible at surface relationships.

 

I've never fit into one certain group, and prefer to keep it that way.

I'm not a hipster, nor do I want to be.

I am an "all-inclusive" girl. I hate leaving people out.

I am learning to accept that not everyone feels the same. 

I have accepted that some friendships are only around for seasons. People change.

I'll do anything for my friends, and expect the same in return.  

I hate that my face gives away every emotion.

I'm not near as confrontational as I once was.

I have lots of arguments in my head with people, but I would rather let things go.

I forgive easily, but have a very hard time forgetting.

I can't wait to be a mom. 

I don't want to be the mom or friend who can't hang with childless friends due to "being in a different life stage."

I am becoming much more introverted than ever before.

I prefer staying in over going out these days.

I'm scared to stay home alone now, even though I used to live alone.

I can't watch crime shows without anxiety.

I love my animals to the moon & back.

I'm an accessory junkie.

I don't think a girl can have too many pairs of shoes. Or scarves. Or purses. Or funky jewelry.

I annoy myself with the lack of patience I have.

I really need to work on my patience with adults. I'm good with the kiddos.

I want to enjoy exercising, but I hate it.

I wish I was still a "night owl".

I now have an internal alarm clock that buzzes at 6:30am.

I am plagued with insomnia most nights.

I'm not near as creative as I would like to be.

I no longer let fear keep me down.

I tend to jump in head first.

I think I can change the world. 

I'm passionate about what I do. What I believe. What I want.

my Nugs are so [not] PC

Now, if you know me, you know that CFA runs in my blood. 

My dad has built them for over 25 years. 

It was my first job. 

I did marketing for them a few years back. 

HOWEVER, it doesn't mean I believe in every little thing they do. It doesn't mean that I agree with all that the company does. BUT, I do respect the tar out of them. For standing firm in their beliefs, even when being attacked at every angle. 

They are a class act company. 

And I am proud to have been a part of it. 

To me, this ISN"T about "supporting" a company for going against the grain of today's uber PC society. [Which the whole "PC" thing just makes me chuckle since it completely alienates all those who have a different viewpoint of the uber PC crowd/noisemakers--ironic eh?!] This ISN"T about same sex marriage--I have plenty of friends & family who are gay/lesbian, and I'm not here to judge them (ps- neither are you!). I seriously could care less about it. I love them, respect them, and want them to be happy. That doesn't mean I don't have my own personal convictions, but I'm not here to throw them on anyone either. {My beliefs & relationship with God, are just that. Mine. We all have to face Him when our days are up & answer to Him, not each other. I prefer to keep it that way thank you very much!}

To me, this IS about "supporting" a highly successful company in doing with their funds what the deem important. To them. To their culture. To their business.

CFA is & always has been a company based on Christian principles. The fact that they have, and are supporting organizations that are in line with their beliefs, shouldn't be shocking! We all have that right. To support organizations that we believe in. Whether it be financially, with time, services,  prayer, whatever! That is our right. And it is also the right of the business owner(s).

To "boycott" an establishment because you don't like what they support, is your right as a consumer. It crosses the line when government gets involved and says they are not going to allow them to have a business because they (he/she) doesn't personally agree with the personal beliefs of the company. SERIOUSLY?!


THOUGHT: Pretty sure every single one of us would end up living in a hole, growing/eating our own food, making our own clothing, building our own homes--all with materials found and made with our hands, if we knew what every single business/business owner of the establishments we visited believed in & supported.....Go ponder on that one for bit. 

As for me, I'm going to get some CFA nuggets, waffle fries, & big ol iced tea. 

Please & thanks. 

lately

So....I've been absent for quite some time. It's not that I haven't wanted to blog, it's literally been a lack of time. Not content. So much has been happening...in my extended family, my immediate family, and just in my life in general. Some good, some bad, some just flat crazy! 

Let me go ahead and "beep beep, back it up" for you....and fill ya in.

Ever feel like you are on a roller coaster that won't stop?!

That's where I'm at right now. I literally have had to stop and debate with myself about what day it is. Things have been such a whirlwind in our house the past month or so. I seriously haven't been grocery shopping in [going on] 4 weeks. Haven't done laundry in 3. And haven't been home [more than one night a week] before 10pm.

Juggling my commitments is becoming a full time job!

My husband is working like a maniac due to some pretty big changes at our company. [He has always worked hard, especially during this time of year. but, when someone leaves, he is there to pick up the slack and run with it! i.e. we run a family business!]  I probably won't ever (well, anytime soon) make my husband not work so hard. It's in his blood. Part of his DNA. It's just what he does. And I love and appreciate that about him. His drive and dedication to the business that his dad built is admirable. He only wants to continue the legacy that has been in our town for 30 years. And, in this season we are in right now, slowing down isn't in the cards. 

I'm very thankful that I'm able to just hold on for the ride for the time being.

I would be lying if I said "I wouldn't change a thing though" because I most certainly would. I would want more time with my husband, and more time with my family & friends.

As for me, I'm still nannying [albeit part time], trying to build momentum in my Arbonne business & just planned an amazing event for A21 that took place on June 24th. (EXTREMELY proud of this & will fill you in on more later!) I'm really busting it with my Arbonne business. Trying to build it up so I can focus my time and energy on something that I feel is much more important than myself, The A21 Campaign. I love and believe in Arbonne with all my heart. I wouldn't work for a company unless I believed in the foundations of it, the people I work for, and the products we produce/sell. I wouldn't introduce people to products that were not genuinely good for them, inside and out, and these are exactly that. I'm not going to pursue something like this if it can't be a blessing for others. As for The A21 Campaign--well, if you know me, you know that it is my heart beat. God placed a huge burden on my heart for it, and opened the doors--and by open, I mean, opened them wide-and I couldn't feel more blessed. 

Have you ever felt like you knew you were created for something, 

but could never put a finger on it, and then all of a sudden, it was like 

"BAM"?! 

Right smack in front of your face like a brick wall....?? 

Well, yeah. That has been my experience with A21 thus far. 

I have no idea what the future looks like for this, 

but God does, and I'm certainly willing to trust His will!! 

You know you are on the right path when the enemy starts to rear his snarky little  head. The "enemy" is always hard at work when you are following Gods plan for your life. I wish I could say that this surprises me, but it just doesn't.  And, let me tell you.....I've never felt more attacked than I have in the past few months as this A21 launch event was creeping up. (And you better believe it was an even deeper confirmation that I was doing what God has called me to do!!) 

The enemy hit. 

And he hit with a vengeance. 

Never letting up. 

Causing what could've been major distraction, and a cause for me to walk away, but it never happened. Instead, I dug deeper. I pushed harder. I fought back. I found something inside, deep inside, that carried me through all of it. [{Faith. Hope.} AND an incredibly supportive Husband] He pushed buttons that would cause major emotional pulls. He attacked my family. The health of my family. I've had 3 members of my family in and out of the hospital for the past month or so. My 21yr old cousin had a stroke. My uncle went in for neck surgery and ended up with an coronary embolism, blood clots in both legs, and e coli--and is still in and out of the hospital fighting it all. My gPapa was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, after having been diagnosed months back with a thoracic aneurysm and bladder cancer. To say I've had a lot to cope with is a dramatic understatement.

With all of this going on, one would think I'd shut down. 

Well, I would have thought I would shut down. 

There was probably a time in my life that I would have if I'm being real honest. I would have shut down, become angry and confused, and sulked. But, not today. Not in this time. Not where I am...physically, spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. I'm not in this life alone. I'm not living for just me. I'm not the center of my own world. I have a greater purpose. One I'm still figuring out, yet know I'm on the right path for.

to be continued.....

My World in Video: What I'm Fighting For

Use your voice

To be their voice.

Remain hopeful

& be their hope.

Help free them.

Become their FREEDOM.

This is what I'm fighting for. 

These girls, they are who I'm fighting for. 

Their stories are why I'm fighting for it. 

Through The A21 Campaign is how I'm fighting for it.

Now is the time when I'm fighting for it.

-->Here<-- is where you can join in the fight with me.

swap this

Take me to the SWAP MEET
[or just sign me up for [an online] one!]

So, over the past few weeks, I've participated--or am currently participating-- in an online SWAP.  One of my best friends, Bonnie Ferrell from BonnBonnBoutique, has been hosting these super cute online swaps. She is incredibly crafty--although she begs to differ (just one look at her Etsy shop will prove me right!). Her co-host was another one of my super crafty girlfriends, Tiffany Pate, from Mommy Sassy Pants.  She is a crochet junkie, with a heart for creating for others. Check out her online store Picot Designs!  (I absolutely love these ladies & their creative selves).

Anywho, it's a fun and creative way to start connections amongst bloggers, who otherwise wouldn't normally connect. And, you get cute goodies in the process. And, who doesn't love receiving stuff in the mail?!

In my opinion, it's a brilliant idea.

Well, my first swap was a mug swap.

How CUTE is that?! I see many bonding moments in our future :) Thank you Melissa!!! 

Check out Melissa's blogs: 

 Melissa Edwards 

Big Universe Learning Blog

Wonder Blog

I know...3 blogs?! I can hardly keep up with one! Ha. But, she is a super talented, devoted, passionate lady, and has a knack for this blogging thing. Obviously. :) I can't wait to learn more about, and from, my new blogging buddy. 

Thanks for hosting such a fabulous swap Bonnie & Tiffany! Looking forward to connecting with more ladies in the future...and for more fun goodies to show up on my doorstep!

Speaking of......Next swap: Earrings....... I can't wait!
(I'm a bit of an earring junkie.)

bigger than me

BIG things...no HUGE things 

are happening in my life right now. 

I'm excited, nervous, a little bit terrified, but welcoming it 
all with big ol' open arms.

For the last 2 months my small group has been embarking on a journey through a book called, Lioness Arising by Lisa Bevere. It's phenomenal. It's challenging. It's exciting. It's a wake up. At least for me. The moment I started reading the book, something inside of me started to stir. I'm not sure how to describe it really. It was this physical & emotional feeling inside me. My stomach would get that nervous, fluttery feeling every single time I started to read her words. I got excited!! I wanted to jump out of my skin and figure out what was being stirred up. (We are still reading the book, and it still happens EVERY single time).  I also prayed, and asked for prayer from my group--that this wouldn't be a selfish desire. That this would be a "GOD desire."

Lisa challenges us throughout the book to "RISE UP" and become lionesses (women who are fierce, passionate, gentle, protective, nurturing...--you get the gist-- who love & live for the Lord). I have been praying for that opportunity. To Rise UP. To take a stand. To make a difference. To be a part of something bigger than myself. To get out of my comfort zone and shake things up. To make it completely about Him and others (and put myself on the back burner completely---that can be hard for a girl who doesn't mind being in the "spotlight").

About 6 or so months ago, I started following this movement called
The A21 Campaign  (click the link for info!)

It's incredible.

 It's moving. 

It's heartbreaking. 

It's real. And, it's happening today. 

In the 21st century. 

Not just overseas. 

On our own soil. 

I had been researching ways to get involved, but kept running into 2 pretty big problems: 

(1) I live in SC 

(2) the closest office is in LA or the UK. 

Oh, and I'm definitely not a college student,

 so internships and some of the college type rally's were out too! 

So, I've been stuck. Well, limited by what I could actually DO besides praying for the girls & the people involved in the campaign. 

---->Insert a girlfriend of mine---a WORLD changing girlfriend--who has been working on the same cause. Right here. In SC. In Charleston, SC. At my church. (Somehow I missed the memo until recently!!...all in God's time right!?) The doors were starting to crack, but they weren't open yet!

I'm thinking I had to grow more. To learn more about the issues. To educate myself and ready my heart. To let God work on me to take on such a heavy issue. To get to a place where I could step outside of myself and focus on a cause bigger than me. Bigger than "my world." To humble myself and my desires and align them with His.  

Gods timing is good. No, it's perfect.

Fast forward a little bit--->I took a leap of faith & contacted my girlfriend about getting involved. And, she took me in with open arms. The timing of it couldn't have been more perfect. We are going through some "interesting" growing moments. Not necessarily "pains". Just trying to figure out how it all will look from here on out. The A21 Campaign is a huge, growing, amazing organization and we are blessed to be a part of it. No matter how big, or small, that may look. My involvement/role is still a work in progress. We are completely volunteer based at this point. However, I do know that my schooling (BBA/Marketing) has already come into play---pretty sure I just heard my parents jump for joy :). [Haven't used, nor had the desire to use, my degree in a very long time. It's hard to work doing something you are not passionate about...something you find unfulfilling-->could write a whole other blog on that!] Any who--I'm blessed and thankful that my schedule is allowing me to do this. Being a nanny, my time is pretty flexible. I have days that I can take the munchkin, and days that I can fully devote to this adventure. I just have to trust and pray that it stays this way for the season I'm intended on being there. 

The three ladies that have been devoting the majority of their time and energy to this are like the "Charlies Angels" of the cause! I'm blessed that they have taken me in & believe that I could be a beneficial addition to their team. I think God has some big things in store for us. Last night at First Wednesday (a once a month worship service at Seacoast), this feeling was confirmed. 

Our pastor talked about the different names of God and what they mean. Two resonated with me in a major way for the season that I am in...and that this new adventure is in.

Jehovah Jireh- God is our Provider. 

Yes, indeed He is. 

I fully believe and trust that during this season He will provide for our needs. He already has in abundance!!

El Shaddai- Almighty God

That He is!! 

He can do anything. He is all powerful. He is all knowing. He isn't just our Father, our Provider, our Peace---HE IS EVERYTHING. HE is ALMIGHTY! 

I will be clinging tight to both of these, especially during prayer. To take those names close to my heart. To apply them to my life daily. To TRUST that He is all He says is He is and more. To apply them to this season of life and claim this as my truth as I walk through this new doorway into A21. With the faith, hope, and beliefs that He will be our Jehovah Jireh, our El Shaddai. 

If you can't tell, I am excited beyond belief!! I feel like all that energy that was wanting to burst at the seams, has begun to leak out...in a good way. It's still there, (trust me-->it's like this non stop energy in the pit of my stomach) it just feels like I can exhale a little bit. That the doors are open, and I just have to continue to walk through them. To trust that He will be there waiting on the other side. 

I know He will be.

So, there it is. My news. My Big, HUGE, exciting news.

(to me anyways!) 

Please continue to pray for me. To pray for us as a team. 

To keep listening. To hear His voice. To trust in His timing and His will. 

To walk through doors. To Glorify Him. 

To put selfish desires behind and work only for Him. 

To use us, and this A21 adventure to Glorify Him. 

To allow His light to SHINE through each of us. 

That we keep our eyes on Him and His purpose. 

To be a LIGHT in the lives of these women. 

To allow us to be a VOICE for the voiceLESS.