My mind is all over the place today. I want to write about something "light". Something upbeat & positive+. I'm just not sure what that is supposed to look like at the moment. :) So, I think I'm just gonna stick to what is on my mind at this very moment.
munchkins.
Not the kind you eat-although I could devour a box if you put them in front of me right now.
I'm surrounded by them on a daily basis. I'm a nanny. My friends are popping them out like it's their job. My family is on a constant hunt for an exact time (if that's even possible) when our family will start to grow. Society says I should have already had them.
Growing up in the SOUTH tends to put a certain stigma on where you should be at certain points in your life. If you're from the "dirty south", you know what I'm talking about..even if you're not, you probably still know. Ever heard of "G.R.I.T.S." or Girls Raised In The South?! Example: you meet your husband in college, get married around 23/24, pop out 2.5 kids in the next couple of years, etc etc etc.
I'm 31. Married for a short 7 months. Kids are in our future...but not immediate. To say I'm an atypical southern woman would be an understatement!! I graduated college, worked for a year, then packed up & moved to Cali for a year & a half. Moved back to Atl, then to VA, then to England, and eventually settled in Charleston, SC. I traveled and "spread my wings" while most of my girlfriends were doing the "normal" things: i.e. getting married, buying the house & popping out babies.
I wouldn't trade my decisions for anything! I've seen & experienced so much. I've lived! But, so have they. Just differently. God let me "FLY" & then brought me to my match at the perfect time for me. I can't imagine having been married in my early 20's. I was a disaster! I made some really crap relationship decisions. I got my heart broken. I learned tons. I grew. I found "me". I found a deeper relationship with God.
Fast forward to now: My husband & I can't wait to have kiddos. We are excited, and {almost} ready to start having them. But, something funny has happened. *(I don't remember a point in my life not wanting kids--lots of em! [I'm an only, so I've always wanted a large family]).* My husband has always wanted kids too, but obviously hasn't had the dreams about it like I have. lol. Now that it's in our realistic, foreseeable future, I'm panicking!!! He is ready. I'm freaking out.
- Are we ready? Really ready?
- Do we have the means to raise a kid?
- Are we gonna be good enough parents?
- Are we ready to give up our selfish desires?
- Don't we need to pay off our debt first?
- What if I can't get pregnant?
2 comments:
Oh dear friend, you are going to make the best mom. You just wait and enjoy this time of sleeping in and spending your money the way you want to!!!
Aubrey, I love this! Yes, there are so many typical "southern standards"...it is hard to be different. I admire and am actually jealous of all your adventures. We were actually married 6 years before having children. We saw some of the world and honestly wish we could have done something like lived in England like you. Although I will support my kids and their desires, I secretly hope they will be more like you and just live for awhile. (or like myself and get married and enjoy the world for awhile with their spouses).
Are you ready to give up your selfish desires? Never. That is our human flesh. But God uses children in an amazing way to push the selfishness and sin out of our lives. It's a beautiful thing and very natural. It just happens. God will prepare you. Are you going to be good enough? YES!!!! You have the Holy Spirit dwelling in you!! What more could you need?!?! Do you have the means? Kids can be expensive, but out society gives them way more than they need. Plus, since you have waited, most of your friends will happily donate (including me!!) all our baby stuff on to you. You will be amazed how little you really and truly need.
When you look in that first child's eyes, I promise you you will look into his/her eyes and think "why was I so scared?"
You're going to be awesome at motherhood! I can't wait to see where your journey takes you!
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